well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
