don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
