the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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