Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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