She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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