We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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