If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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