I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
someone get that fucking seahorse.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
