I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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