Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hippo gnu deer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
