Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize