i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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