my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
