and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
