There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
