Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
