my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
