i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
