my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had to coat check the pizza.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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