Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
