Welp...herpes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dicks are not precious.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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