getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
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Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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