Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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