Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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