oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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