Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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