Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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