Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
