The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
