so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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