peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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