Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
