just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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