Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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