Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
