Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
