I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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