She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
