I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
