I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
how drunk are you?
Several
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
