and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
