She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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