Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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