Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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