Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
BRING THE BAGELS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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