you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
