every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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