fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
