We're facebook friends in real life
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This house was built for laser tag.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My feet surprised me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
