Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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