True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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