Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
