I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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