I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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