I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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