I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
