I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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