piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
As shirtless as possible
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
