Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
