So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
