i think i have two assholes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
