Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize